HELP! I'm on my last Bowl
and I'm trying to smoke it with someone.
When you’re hitting that frosty stuff, alone is fine but together is better. While I wait for my next payday so I can re-up, I decided to look through my contacts and see who I want to share this final fantastic hit of last fortnight’s haul.
The Cooper Gang
I love sharing my stash these guys but the problem is they always hit the piece and then want to go out and do some huge activity like, “break out our fellow crew from death row” or “figure out what the hell happened with our movie deal”. Cool stuff but I just want to vibe.
Link
Here’s the deal: I like smoking with Link because he always has some story about saving some person’s chickens or traveling through a perilous mountain pass to get a hammer. The problem with Link, though, is once he comes up he’s liable to take a nap and summon a gigantic fish OR he’ll bring
The Four Sword
If Link decides to bring the Four Sword then my bowl is GONE faster than you can say, “hey wait a minute are you guys the same person or are you different people who merge into one when you sheathe the sword? Hey, stop it, you can’t just escape to your Gameboy when I’m trying to talk to you”. But I respect the hustle of getting eight lungs full of smoke and then collapsing into one entity to bring on the biggest high you’ve ever seen.
Bobby Jenkins
Bobby is swell. He’s really passionate about science and loves thrill-seeking but he’s stuck in the 90s. I don’t really want to listen to Sublime while I smoke this bowl.
Lester Knight Chaykin
Much like Bobby, Lester is brilliant. I’ll try to get Lester for this bowl but I know he’s more into the psychedelic stuff. Last time we were together he told me about a trip he took to an alien planet. This guy watches too many Sword and Sorcery films.
Blackguard Big Boggart
I should smoke with him more often! Not only is he always down for a hit but he brings boiled prawn and crab to satisfy the munchies! Shellfish, in THIS economy?? I’ll never tarnish this relationship.
The King and the Prince
They’re a package deal! I can’t emotionally handle the King of all Cosmos by Himself but without his dad, the Prince of all Cosmos is a menace. The Prince is liable to stick up everything in my space and blow it up like that’s a thing normal people do. A fun rip, to be sure, but the wrong vibe.
Rosalina
All right so Rosalina is pretty high on my smork list. She always brings some galaxy brain discussions to the table. However, I’m going to forgo calling up Rosalina at this time because she doesn’t just want to smoke weed. She usually adds a little star/angel dust to the bowl and I’m not looking to meet the Great Luma today.
Harvest Goddess
My favorite Friend of Mineral Town! I would love to call up Harvest Goddess and share this bowl with Her but the issue is my weed isn’t “good enough” and She would prefer to use “sustainably sourced pipes” like conch shell. I respect Her desire to always smoke Back to Nature, though.
Pauline
Would’ve LOVED to share this bowl with Pauline. She was tragically found dead in Miami while on her Donk Me Up duet tour with Sabrina Carpenter. We really have to do something about this problem.
Patapon Tribe
Pauly
Forget it, I’m calling up Pauly.
I love all my other friends but when I want to smoke and free skate in Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 2 Venice Beach while listening to Honeymoon by Lana del Rey, Pauly is ALWAYS down. Is it cannibalism if Pauly smokes weed? I’m not here to pass value judgements on his genetic make-up. He’s been through so much already, what’s a few hits anyhow.
While I wait for Pauly to roll up, I’m going to hit my dab pen with Blinbus.
Wild stuff mate